It's my birthday...now what?

Today is my 43rd birthday. What a lovely day it has started to be! Cards and songs from N'Gai, Micah and Maia and lots of well wishes from friends! I don't have a lot planned for today, so it's not really too out-of-the ordinary compared to my normal routine, but I'm blessed nonetheless. I remember when I was a kid, adults would often ask, "do you feel different now that you're 'X' years old?" I have to say that the differences now are either more subtle than when I was a kid, or time has dulled the excitement meter so that I don't recognize the differences from one day to the next, even though I know they're there. But, I mean to change that, and writing this blog will be a start.

I do feel different this birthday because it has me thinking a lot about my mom, who in 1990, died at the age of 53, exactly 10 years older than I am today. I wonder if she would have done anything differently had she known that she would only have 10 years left to live. This is particularly meaningful now that I have children. I have often found some small comfort in the thought that my mom might have thought of us, her children, in her last moments, and how much she loved us and was bummed out and worried that she would have to leave us. Not wanting to turn this into a sad post, what I'm drawing from this is that I really want to make sure that I not only "feel" different each birthday, but that I'm making a difference of some kind each year, whether to others or simply to myself. My mom left a great legacy -- whenever anyone outside of the family speaks of her, they usually use adjectives such as "nice", "sweet", "dedicated", "good" and "Christian". When the family speaks of her, we are fortunate enough to also include "kind", "funny", "loving", "strong" and "nurturing" to the description. I hope to also leave this kind of legacy by living my life in a way that would not only make my mother and others proud, but also make my husband, children and most importantly, me, proud.

I've had a lot of changes over the last 5 years that have definitely changed me as a person: buying a house, changing jobs, getting married to N'Gai, having Micah, losing a job, friends moving away/getting married/getting divorced/having kids, losing loved ones, getting a new job, working from home, having Maia, quitting job and becoming a stay-at-home mom, moving to a new state, making new friends, and on and on and on. So, I know that I can't say that I'm not different than I was last year, or even yesterday. I just want to make sure that I'm more aware and more appreciative.

So, what am I going to do??? Hmmm...
- I definitely plan to live life to the fullest, whether I have 1, 10 or 100 more years to live
- Try to complain less
- Laugh more
- Be more present and engaged in my relationships
- Be more patient
- Be more observant
- Take more time to be silly with my children and husband
- Have more PDAs (watch out, coming your way)
- Tell people I love them more
- Do more little acts of kindness to everyone
- Work out more and take better care of my body
- Not be so hard on myself when I don't work out or take care of my body
- Get back to things that I love and think I'm pretty good at: reading, bike riding, singing, writing (See? See? Starting already!)
- Be more thankful
- Not sweat the small stuff
- ???


There's so much more and I realize that it's not all going to happen in a day or every day...heck, this blog may not happen every day, but I'm going to try to do something positive and appreciate my life every day, and I hope to help others do that, too. Happy EVERY day, everyone!